Most people want to be happy. It’s one of our main goals in life.
Happiness is attainable for anyone, and it’s within our grasp right now. But a lot of us overthink it. Achieving happiness really just comes down to your mindset.
And before we get started with this post, I want to pose a simple question to you:
Can a Stoic Be Happy?
You may be wondering what I’m talking about right now, since you’ve always known that stoic is synonymous with emotionless. If you’re thinking of stoic people as always having a stiff upper lip, we’re talking about different words.
The Stoics (with a capital S) were practitioners of Stoicism philosophy, whereas the (lowercase) stoic refers to people who suppress their emotions. The word “stoic” was coined by people who didn’t fully understand the Stoic philosophy.
On the surface, it may seem like these philosophers were ultra-rational, non-emotional beings. But the truth is, Stoics absolutely have emotions and can be happy! I’d argue they’re happier than most people, because their philosophy shows them exactly what they need to do to be happy.
Today we’ll run through a few simple Stoic frameworks that can help you be happy. But first, let’s discuss the reasons you might not be happy.
How Not To Be Happy
According to the Stoics, the two root causes of unhappiness are wanting something outside our control and being carried away with our impressions. The root of the problem is a lack of cognitive distance.
Wanting Beyond Our Control
One of the most common pitfalls leading to unhappiness is when we want something outside our control.
We set our expectations on a goal that “would be nice”, but when it doesn’t pan out, we become mentally and spiritually deflated. Looking forward to the external outcome, we’ve already planned out how our new life will be after we get what we want.
In essence, we build our happiness around something uncertain. An architect would never design a building on a patch of quicksand, yet that is virtually what we do when we hinge our happiness on something outside our control.
This concept is called the dichotomy of control, and it’s a tenet in Stoic philosophy.
Getting Carried Away with Impressions
Even if we don’t desire anything outside our control, we might still be unhappy because we lack awareness and let our emotions carry us away.
Impressions are our initial reactions or judgments of events. Rather than handling situations with equanimity, we might instead get taken along for a ride with a subconscious, emotional rollercoaster.
We must understand that it’s not the events themselves, but our judgment of these events that disturb us. The Stoics called this concept katalepsis.
Letting our unchecked emotions take over our rational minds is a recipe for disaster. It’s also the other main cause of unhappiness.
How to Be Happy Like a Stoic?
The Stoics took a simple approach to happiness. Their approach to living a good and happy life simply came down to cultivating an “excellent mental state”.
The ancients said that only your character and judgment can be deemed good or bad. Situations and external events are objectively neutral. There’s always a silver lining.
We should understand that the most horrible things that have happened in our lives have been the greatest learning experiences. On the other hand, the best time of your life probably made you weaker and less motivated in the long-term. After all, life should be challenging.
With the good, comes the bad – and vice versa.
Value Judgments
Bad character and judgments lead to unhappiness, while good character and judgments lead to happiness. Non-judgmental mindfulness will help you cultivate inner peace.
We must be indifferent to things that are outside our control. The only things worth judging are our own actions and character.
No matter what happens to a Stoic, happiness is always within reach – if not the default setting. We can all create a happy life today by cultivating inner peace and living our best lives.
Finding Inner Peace
Humans are emotional beings, though many of us are not living in harmony with our deepest emotions. We might become irritated, angry or anxious because of loud children, rude strangers and impending deadlines.
In these cases, negative emotions like stress and anxiety get in the way. They infiltrate our minds and change how we feel. Allowing negative emotions to take over is a sort of mind control.
A key component of mindfulness, finding inner peace is the first step to happiness. Many people spend countless hours spending all their mental health and energy on situations outside their control. The Stoic To Do list helps us differentiate between what is within our control and what is pointless to think about.
Understanding the difference between your environment and yourself, as well as between automatic (subconscious) thoughts and intentional (conscious) thoughts, can help us regain control over our minds.
We can find inner peace by judging situations objectively and dissolving our egos.
Judge Situations Objectively
Don’t get carried away by your impressions of situations and events. Observe objectively, and when something causes a negative feeling, think it through rationally.
Stoic mindfulness helps us reflect on what external events really mean. Just remember in every situation that you have everything you will ever need. You are complete as you are.
Beyond the necessities, everything else is a bonus. Even things we currently have are subject to change. Nothing lasts forever.
Act as a Third Party
In some moments, it can help to take a step back and imagine how other people might interpret this event. It’s much easier to see an event objectively when it’s not happening to you.
Next time a negative emotion takes over, imagine what you might tell a friend who experienced a similar event and felt the same way. Apply the same advice to yourself and treat the situation with equanimity.
Dissolve the ego
Look at situations and your inner thoughts objectively. We do not always act rationally – or even in our best interest. Sometimes, we perpetuate negative feelings by victimising ourselves, and we feel we deserve better.
Rather than being upset if a stranger makes an offensive comment, we can understand that this person has flaws of their own. This person may have a negative character, which is something they can control but we cannot. We should not allow ourselves to get upset just because we encountered someone who is upset.
After all, we would not accept this person staying in our house for an indefinite amount of time. But continuing to think about the situation means the person is living rent-free in our minds.
Only we can affect how we feel about ourselves. We don’t need others’ approval, as long as we approve of ourselves.
Deserving more
Sometimes we get wrapped up in outcomes because we think we “deserve” better or that it somehow “signals our value”.
We’re upset we didn’t get that promotion, we’re frustrated our screenplay didn’t get picked up, or we’re sad that cute guy or girl wasn’t into us.
In each of these situations, we’ve aligned our ego with an uncertain outcome. Our self-worth becomes dictated by something outside our control. That’s how an inflated ego leads to unhappiness.
Instead, happiness comes from knowing that we have everything we’ll ever need. We do our best in life and manage our expectations mindfully.
All we will ever do is live. Why should we not do this well? Happiness comes from living our lives with dignity and always aiming to do our best.
Living your Best Life
You can be your best self by living virtuously. That may sound a bit far-fetched, but the Stoics had an idea of how we might do that.
In fact, living with virtue was the cornerstone of Stoicism, and Stoicism is more a philosophical practice than a philosophy. In the eyes of a Stoic, living your best life comes down to 2 steps: knowing your values and living them.
We can reflect on how we’re living our life everyday. The Stoic routine involves planning your day in the morning and reviewing how you lived up to your standards in the evening.
In this way, we can keep in mind what we need to do to improve and live our best life everyday.
Know your values
The first step to virtue is understanding the 4 Stoic cardinal values and defining your own personal values. Knowing that you live your life with wisdom, courage, justice and self-discipline will fill every moment with pride.
Apart from the Stoic cardinal virtues, individuals will have their own personal values. Things like kindness, creativity, world exploration and breaking the status-quo are all individual values people might hold.
In addition to pride, personal values give you a sense of individuality. Your life is unique because you have personal values. Knowing your core life values can be incredibly powerful. Especially when you put them into action!
Live virtuously
The second step to virtue is aligning your life (including every single action) with your most deeply held values. This might involve waking up early, treating others kindly and avoiding our cravings and bad habits. We can develop systems to achieve our goals and live our best lives.
Every moment is an opportunity to prove that your actions align with your most deeply-held beliefs. When our actions align with our values, we can find true inner happiness.
I’ll leave you with a great quote about happiness by the great Stoic philosopher, Seneca:
True happiness is to enjoy the present, without anxious dependence upon the future, not to amuse ourselves with either hopes or fears but to rest satisfied with what we have, which is sufficient, for he that is so wants nothing. The greatest blessings of mankind are within us and within our reach. A wise man is content with his lot, whatever it may be, without wishing for what he has not.
― Seneca
Embrace Fate
I have one final note on how to be happy from a Stoic perspective. We need to learn to embrace our fate. Just as we should focus on what we can control, we should stop caring about what we cannot.
Everything outside our control will happen just as it is supposed to and was destined to happen. Rather than being afraid of change and unexpected events, we must learn to love our circumstances. Amor Fati.
Stoicism is a valuable tool in developing both mental clarity and productivity. Learn more about Stoicism in a nutshell and how to be a Modern Stoic.
The Happiness Mindset in a Nutshell
Considering the Stoic approach above, I like to think of happiness as a switch. You can either decide that you are happy, or you can let your emotions toss you around.
If you want to be happy, it’s usually that simple – just be happy.
You don’t need to wait for an external milestone to signal that you can be happy. Happiness comes from within, and you’re worth it! Anything that resembles happiness from a promotion, a stranger’s compliment or a new coat is a false prophecy – and incredibly short-lived.
Unlike the thrill of buying a new car, true happiness doesn’t wear off. It comes from living in harmony with the world around you and knowing you’re always living in accordance with virtue.
You’re doing the right things. In the right ways. And happiness is there, just waiting to be accepted.
Happiness might be easier said than done, which is why we may need to practice to get it right. Be happy like a Stoic with Mind & Practice today.