My journey to Stoicism started in early 2020 as a result of stress I was experiencing from a seemingly never-ending workload. I had never experienced anything so mentally demanding and draining before then. It seemed like no matter how late I stayed at the office, I could never catch up on everything that had to be done.
At first, I tried to remain positive. I thought that a good work ethic and a few productivity techniques would get me where I needed to be. It eventually got to the point where I couldn’t stay in denial for any longer. I was burning out from the stress and I needed help.
I remember searching Google for something along the lines of “how to calm my mind”. This rabbit hole eventually led me to a video that explained exactly what I was looking for. It explained how one of the great Stoics followed a simple practical philosophy to ease his mind and stay productive.
Marcus Aurelius
In Stoic circles, Marcus Aurelius is known as the great philosopher king. His 19 year reign involved hardships such as 2 wars that threatened his empire and a plague that killed millions of his own people.
Marcus wrote in his notebook every morning to clear his mind and reflect on his thinking so that he could make rational decisions everyday.
Marcus Aurelius may today be most famous for these texts, which we now know as Meditations.
Beyond being able to distance himself mentally from the challenges he faced as emperor, he also wrote about living virtuously as well as in harmony with nature and other people.
“Meditate often on the interconnectedness and mutual interdependence of all things in the universe. For in a sense, all things are mutually woven together and therefore have an affinity for each other—for one thing follows after another according to their tension of movement, their sympathetic stirrings, and the unity of all substance.”
—Marcus Aurelius, Meditations, 6.38
Revere the gods, and look after each other. Life is short—the fruit of this life is a good character and acts for the common good.”
— Marcus Aurelius, Meditations, 6.30
Marcus Aurelius excelled at knowing that we must accept the world for what it is rather than wish it for something that it is not. We can clear our minds and think rationally by focusing on what we can control.
2020 Preparation
What I did not expect when I began learning about Stoicism was that the world would soon go through its first major pandemic since 1918. The lessons I learned from Stoicism were the exact tool I needed for a smooth ride with optimal routines through the pandemic.
I focused on reading and learning during these months. After all, these were actions I could control that would benefit me greatly. Just as every dark cloud has a silver lining, there are benefits behind every seemingly bad thing. I took the isolation period as an opportunity to catch up on reading and take online courses that I may not have made time for otherwise.
It was only after speaking with friends and family several months later that I noticed the impact Stoicism had had on me. I felt calm while others still seemed to worry about things outside their control. I constantly reflect on what I can control, and that’s literally all I can do.
My First Practical Stoicism Exercise
In May, I joined a Stoic Mindfulness & Resilience course that focused around practical exercises. Donald Robertson and the folks over at Modern Stoicism hosted the four-week course, which centred around activities such as meditation and self-monitoring.
I find most Stoic resources to be mainly theoretical, so it was really useful to try out Stoicism in a practical sense. Thinking about the course now, the exercise that stuck with me the most was the value meditation, which I cover in more detail in the post on Stoic virtue.
This exercise helped me develop cognitive distance to view situations more objectively. And my takeaway was that there’s never a good time to be mean to anyone.
Even when someone is being rude or negative towards us, we should treat them with kindness. This becomes easier when we’ve learned to embrace things outside our control.
The values meditation exercise
The exercise in question involved meditating and reflecting on:
- The four cardinal virtues: Wisdom, Courage, Justice & Self-discipline
- How we live by the four virtues in our daily lives
- Where we may be lacking these virtues in our daily lives
- How a “Stoic sage” might go about their daily life
- What a Stoic sage might do differently from us when presented with the same challenges
As it’s slightly different to typical mindfulness meditation, we wrote a post on Stoic mindfulness to clarify the main differences.
Learning to Value Kindness
We did this meditation for a week, and I had an eye-opening experience on the 2nd or 3rd day, while I was meditating on justice. I looked inwards to understand how I live by this virtue everyday.
This started with me thinking about all the ways I treat people fairly and sometimes unfairly. I also thought about how I try to not assume people are any certain way based on my gut feeling and first impressions. Then, I thought about all the interactions I have with people, both strangers as well as close friends and family. I recognised a few tendencies in my social interactions that I’m not particularly proud of.
In the first case, when it comes to strangers, I realised I can be stand-offish and sceptical. On the other hand, I can be passive aggressive and spiteful to friends and family – especially when I have low energy or I’m in a bad mood. This meditation exercise helped me realise that I do not value kindness enough. I decided this should be my default setting.
As the Stoic maxim goes, I can’t control what happens to me, but I can control my conscious thoughts and actions. That’s when I consciously decided to always be kind and not let my negative emotions ruin my relationships and social interactions.
Kindness as a Stoic virtue
I don’t think I was expecting to value kindness in a whole new way when I first started getting into Stoicism. At first, I used Stoicism as a coping method to reduce anxiety. But the books I read and the exercises in the Modern Stoicism course put it into a whole new perspective for me. I do not only follow Stoicism so that I can be free of overwhelmingly negative emotions.
I’ve realised that Stoicism is a rational philosophy, and Stoics lead happy and meaningful lives. Rather than allowing myself to be swept away by negative emotions when someone does not treat me with the full respect I feel I deserve, I can be the better person. I can breathe positivity into life where it might otherwise be missing. I can control my actions.
Similarly to Marcus Aurelius’s thoughts on living in harmony with nature and other people, I finally feel I understand what it means for everything in the world to be interconnected. This isn’t just some abstract concept that hippies preached when I was younger. If I am kind to someone, that might spread to another person, which might extend to the next person, and the next, etc. This energy might then come back to me one day.
Gandhi said “Be the change you wish to see in the world.” From a rational perspective, I should be kind to others, so that I can live in a kinder world where others will be kind to each other as well as to myself. I cannot expect others to always be kind, but I can ensure that I’m doing my part in creating a kinder world.
This reflection all came from meditating on the Stoic cardinal virtues, specifically while I focused on the pillar of Justice.
Kindness in a nutshell
Engaging in acts of kindness produces endorphins, and people who are perpetually kind have 23% less cortisol (the stress hormone). They also age slower than the average population.
In a nutshell, everything is connected in life. Your actions impact both your natural environment and the people around you. This means that when you are kind and positive, you make other people’s lives better, and these people are more likely to treat you kindly in return.
You’re also being directly kind to yourself by having positive thoughts and doing kind actions.
The thoughts on kindness in this post are the result of a personal meditation, and you can learn to do the same by following the exercise in my post on Stoic Virtue and Personal Values.