It’s easy to get overwhelmed with everything we have going on in life. With bills that need to be paid, kids that need to be taken care of and a flurry of other responsibilities, it’s no wonder that anxiety is at an all time high in the United States, United Kingdom and around the world.
The ancient Stoics had a method for dealing with anxiety. We’ve discussed the Stoic Dichotomy of Control in another post and how it’s a useful method for clearing the mind for effectiveness.
The best part is that it’s just as relevant today as it ever was. While we focused around the theory in our last post, today we’re providing a practical guide for anyone just starting out with the Stoic concept.
We encourage anyone reading this to follow along with the exercise!
The Dichotomy of Control
As we mentioned in our other post on the Dichotomy of Control, the ancient Stoics used this framework to simplify their thinking and live calm, harmonious lives. Thinking was a big part of the Stoics’ lives, and this was especially clear considering that wisdom is one of the core Stoic virtues.
The beauty of this framework is that some thoughts result in actions that contribute to character and life development, while others are dead ends that only bring negative emotions along the way. The distinction comes down to the level of control we have over a situation.
Happiness and freedom begin with a clear understanding of one principle: Some things are within our control, and some things are not. It is only after you have faced up to this fundamental rule and learned to distinguish between what you can and can’t control that inner tranquility and outer effectiveness become possible.
Epictetus
While we can control many things, we are often weighed down by unproductive thoughts. When we’re anxious, for example, our thought patterns can lead to endless risk-assessments of hypothetical situations led by one “What if…” question after the next.
When left unchecked, these thoughts devour our time and energy. This is time and energy that is better suited focusing on the solution – rather than the problem itself.
Leveraging the Dichotomy of Control is a large part of Stoic mindfulness and daily Stoic routines.
The Dichotomy of Control Exercise
In the rest of the post, we’ll run through determining what we can and can’t control. We’ll meld Stoic mindfulness and productivity together with two types of lists and discuss how to leverage these lists. After all, Stoicism is more practical than nearly any other philosophy.
For the exercise, we’ll start by reviewing a situation that causes negative thought patterns. This exercise can be repeated as many times as you like with different situations, so you can review them more objectively.
If this still sounds vague, I’ll try and bring in some real-life examples from my time doing the exercise.
My Experience
I’ve mentioned in other posts (for example my post on Stoic Kindness) that I felt overwhelmed with work in early 2020 when I first got into Stoicism. Anxiety and a frantic work life was the main reason I got into Stoicism.
I put my work life under the microscope when I did this exercise for the first time and found it helped me distinguish between what was within my control and what was not within my control. I’ll try and give some examples in this post from my own experience.
Exercise Preparation
Before moving onto the next section, think of a situation that clouds your thinking. It could be something that makes you anxious, fearful, angry or any other negative emotion that tends to spiral out of control.
Before you start, rate the situation from 1-10, how much control you feel you have over it. Make sure you write down your rating, because we’ll review it after the exercise.
Next, grab a sheet of paper and create two columns with the headers: “Things I control” & “Things I can’t control”.
What you can control
In the first column, write down things that you have control over in the situation.
In my own example of a stressful workplace, these points were simple things like:
- planning my workload
- communicating priorities to co-workers
- pushing back on last-minute requests that are not needed immediately
- handling last-minute, urgent requests in the most graceful way possible
- not letting stress get the better of me
At the end of the day, the only things we can control are our own actions, character and conscious thoughts.
When our anxious monkey minds take over, it can be easy to forget about one or more of the items in this column. This list helps us see each action point, so we make sure we get everything done.
The “Stoic To-Do” List
Once we’ve listed out everything we can control, we know exactly what we need to do to deal with the situation. This Stoic To-Do list will help us focus on resolving the situation at hand. These action points will help us tackle the external issue that is causing us grief and anxiety.
The Stoic To Do list is a useful tool, but it is not complete in reducing our grief and anxiety. We also need to consider what we cannot control.
What you cannot control
We often think more about what we cannot control than what we actually can. We find ourselves thinking about times in the past when we’re wrong or wronged, or we find ourselves obsessing over a hypothetical future situation. Other times, we might worry how others perceive us, or we become upset because of how they act toward us.
First, it helps to understand that our perception of these events is not the same as reality. Our impressions often fool us, which is why the Stoics developed the concept of katalepsis. We develop cognitive distance by realising the difference between our perception and reality.
Ultimately, the past, the future and other people’s actions are all things that we cannot control. No matter how much we may like to, we will never be able to control these. Instead, we should call these things fate, because they are destined to happen regardless of our thoughts and actions.
It helps to identify things we cannot control, because we can then learn to let them go. We can even take a more Stoic approach and embrace our fate. This concept is known as amor fati.
For example, most people fear death despite it being the only certainty in life. We need to learn to embrace death as a part of life.
We can fix some of the worst feelings we experience by changing the way we think about the situation. Understanding which things are outside your control will help you switch them off when your automatic thought patterns spiral out of control.
Under the “Things I can’t control” column, list out everything you think about the situation but have no control over. This is your Stoic “Not-To-Do” list.
In my own example, I listed out several work-related items, e.g.:
- When an unexpected and urgent request will come up
- What my current workload is when an urgent request comes up
- The resource available to help support my projects
The “Stoic Not-To-Do” List
The “Not-To-Do” list is a productivity technique that focuses on identifying activities that waste our time and energy. In productivity settings, activities like checking social media and specific types of work should usually end up on this type of list.
In a Stoic context, we’re talking about thoughts that cause overwhelmingly negative emotions. We want to distance ourselves from these thoughts, because they are unproductive and ruining our lives.
Framing our day-to-day lives in this way helps us optimise for progress and forward motion. We do not victimise ourselves or tell ourselves a negative narrative, and we don’t waste time thinking what “could have been”.
There’s always a silver lining. We should focus on the bright side whenever we’re having a bad day. Equally important, we should realise that there is a downside even when we’re having a great day.
The ancient Stoics liked to say that Hercules would not have become the hero we know of today by staying at home drinking beer on his sofa all day. Instead, he tested himself everyday by battling monsters and giants.
We should avoid obsessing over things we can’t control. That way, we can focus our energies on getting the things that matter done while keeping our minds healthy.
Reviewing your lists
Now that you’ve completed the exercise, you have a clear To-Do list and a clear Not-To-Do list. If you’re like me, this exercise may have helped you better understand things that make you anxious and irritated. There’s only so much we can do in life, and that’s what we should focus our attention on.
Before we started the exercise, I asked you to rate your level of control of the situation. If you did this, have a look at your original rating and see if you still agree. Give the situation a new rating if it changed.
If your rating changed, what happened? Did reframing the problem help you realise that you don’t need to inflict suffering on yourself?
Focusing on what we can control and understanding what we can’t helps us reduce mental suffering in the form of anxiety and other negative emotions. In fact, this is part of the foundation of cognitive behavioural therapy, so I hope you enjoyed the exercise!
When to apply your Stoic To-Do Lists
The Stoic To-Do and Not-To-Do lists are incredibly powerful tools for fighting anxiety and achieving mental clarity. The ancients even thought this technique would help us lead more meaningful and happy lives as Stoics.
These lists are also a productivity booster in the sense that they help us focus on getting things done. Sometimes a better understanding of what we can control can help us find better solutions, while a better understanding of what we can’t control will help us manage our emotions.
We can apply the Stoic To Do lists to any situation that causes us overwhelming negative emotions. For example, stress from work is where I started.
You might have your own thoughts that spiral out of control with the grief of losing a loved one, some sort of annoyance in social contexts, or anything really. You can do this exercise countless times to find peace with every stress-inducing situation in your life.
Still not sure what it means to be Stoic? Learn more about this life philosophy in our posts on Stoicism in a Nutshell and how to be a Modern Stoic.